| Stoner Arcade |
| by hiroshi greenbag |
Slug Invaders
Ah shit yeah. Here they come in rows and columns. Like Fox says, "When Slugs Attack!" Can you defend your little corner of the world or will the Slugs prevail?
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Bongs Away!
That little green leaf refuses to hide behind a smokescreen any more:
everyone from the stethoscope hounds at the American Medical Association to the Bunsen burner hounds at the National Academy of Sciences says it is time to legalize and live free with the medicinal ganja. The presumed benefits: fewer truculent drug dealers, less crime, and a general happy feeling--although perhaps tinged with a bit of hunger.
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Asteroids, Motha Fucka
So there you were, hanging out near Saturn, cold chillin' like the Ice Man. Next thing you knew a rather large group of asteroids were heading towards Earth. So you politely put down the bong and decided to save the world. You're a Slug, that's what you do.
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Coney Island Slug Shooting Gallery
As anyone who follows the Slug knows we recently opened an office in NYC. Ever since I went to Coney Island, I knew I had to make this game. Stoners of the world rejoice.
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GW Bush's Brain Game
We all know one thing, and that's that ole GW ain't too bright. Far be it from me too exploit a weakness of a politician, but I've met stoned jellyfish I hold in higher intellectual regard than the current Bush heir to the throne. He's his dad's puppet, who was a puppet himself. So let's take a look now and see how this could have happened. Let's take the ultimate journey. Into GW Bush's brain itself.
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Destroy 2000 years of Culture with Ralph Nader
Okay, I know Ralphn Nader did not get his five percent, but who says Bush did not rig the election that way, too? But instead of getting baked and pissed, I decided to make game where you can take on the system. It's RISK! Slug-style. Just like the classic game, except you most rally protesters instead of soldiers, beat the media masters at thier own game, and liberate the masses. VIVA LA REVOLUTION, mutha fuckas!
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| Stoner Gamer Reviews |
| by hirosho greenbag |
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Mario Party 2 Nintendo N64
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When I first started doing stoner game reviews, I had a vision of the perfect game. A game that is in perfect tune with the hum in your head as the bong goes burble burble boo. Mario Party 2 is the first game to receive Terril Smitz’s Hooku Salute. Scoring 4 bongs and above in all categories is a first. But they earned it. The story line is just lite enough not to confuse you, but enthralling as the game progresses. You become more and more involved as the game carries on, like a python on its prey. The stopability rules, with a long pause, just exactly enough time to take a hit, before each player. |
| They know, they have to know. The game play rocks like a llama in a cage. Its broken up into a whole bunch of mini-games within a huge board game frame. The games are perfect in playability and length of time for the short attention span of a stoner. Plus they are usually versus each other which opens a whole can of worms for shit-talking. The visuals are classic comic sans of animation, nice soft and fuzzy and would feel smooth to the touch if I could only caress Prince Mushrooms cheeks. See, these are the kinds of things stoners think about while playing these games. Just ask any stoner about Lara Kroft. Overall, these game has a 50 Turn option and we went threw a case of Negro Medalos and a quarter, and had the best time we’ve had in awhile. Thank you Nintendo, you earned that Hooka Award. |  |
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GTA – Grand Theft Auto 2 Rockstar Games Playstation
“If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face” George Orwell,
1984.
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This my friends is how their liner notes begin. I loved the first game, especially the more street savvy Director’s Cut. When I saw GT2, I thought, “Great! The same kick ass concept but this time they had time and money to make better graphics.” Boy was I wrong. Though I like running over cops and stealing school buses, the graphics still suck. The storyline is easy to follow, but after a few nice rips off old Betsy, you will not care. It all swirls into a rather bland Clockwork Orangeish fiasco. The stopability is great,mainly do to the game play being so dull. That’s the problem. This game just isn’t exciting, stoned or otherwise, save the shit talking. It gets a five bong award for being able to talk shit to a cop as you attempt to mow him down with his own patrol car.
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Rainbow 6 Redstorm Entertainment N64
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I loved this game on the computer and new the stoner-enhancement N64 makes for all of its games would help take out the finesse needed for the PC-version. The object of the game is take out evil terrorist holding hostages or some other diabolical thing. A very we’re the good guys vs. them bad guys type of shooter, except for the detailed manner in which the game was made. Based on a Tom Clancey mindless-dribble-of-crap novel, it transcends its inane basis and becomes a great game. The storyline is bit complex and a stoned person will bang through the rather long back story to get to the killing. The best part is being baked off the camel and forming an attack in the planning mode. Storm the castle like a troop of killer-rabid chimpanesse is the best attack decided upon at Slug Central. |
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The stopability rules, which is great so you can take bong hit before storming the room full of bad bad bad people. The game play is awesome, the perfect mix of real physics and fantasy-induced game physics. It’s the fantasy physics that make or break games and here it was believable. The visuals are awesome and the dead bodies don’t go away after you shoot them, which I loved. You can get a heaping pile of bodies going, its great. It causes the frailer stoners to get the giggles and they are done for. The shit talking obviously is a hit, as any fan of patting the buddha on the belly and playing 1st person shooters know. Let the good brutal blood thirsty times roll. |
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Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater Activision
Playstation
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Ah shit, this is fun. When you use to skate you would always see the possibility for the ultimate trick, but know better than to try it. Now is the time to go for it. These is 720 for our generation. Hot damn. The parks and tricks are insane, a skater's wet dream. Plus you can choose any of your favorite skaters who actually do the tricks they are known for. There is no storyline which is good, because we were particularly ripped at this point. The stopability is a little off since the more combos the cooler the tricks you do, and its
hard to press pause then start back again, especially if a pipe is passed. It’s hard to remember what trick you are doing. |
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But who cares, your doing sick ass indie airs over 30 feet of gap, mad crazy Japanesse Airs over huge drainage pipes, and tricks I cant even fathom due to their shear number and the fog of smog in my brain, The visuals kick as much ass, like they knew their target audience was us. The shittalking comes natural to anyone who use to gleam the cube. If you are a fan of skating, especially one of the Big Brother pre-fab model, go buy this game right now. Just don’t look as stoned as you are right now.
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All Content and Silly © 2001, Salt for Slugs Magazine |
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